PART 1 ŻŻŻŻŻŻ TCR, 2005.11.30, 3:45 "Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay." TDS, 2003.08.06, 1:45 "We at the Daily Show have long been known for our aggressive homosexual agenda." TDS, 20003.09.16, 11:30 "That was not going for your face, by the way. Lower." TDS, 2003.09.29, 4:20 "I've been to joe69.com, that's a different..." TDS, 2003.05.12, 9:15 "Jon Stewart is the gayest gays of all gays." TDS, 2005.01.11, 6:20 "Does Jon Stewart orally pleasure teamsters for pocket change?" TDS, 2003.04.03, 6:00 "I'm saying they're queers, Jon. They're Hitler-loving queers." TDS, 2003.08.11, 10:45 "I could take care of you, you know, downtown?" TDS, 2003.09.15, 7:30 "The Daily Show is a cute show, and you're cute on it." TDS, 2003.04.30, 4:20 "Talk about sexy. Wink!" TDS, 2003.04.22, 6:55 "You are adorable!" TDS, 2003.04.23, 18:10 "You're the greatest lover that ever lived in America." TDS, 2003.10.08, 7:30 "Jon, please, you're dating me." TDS, 2003.04.01, 8:45 "Absolutely, Jon. It's way up his ass." TDS, 2003.08.06, 3:45 "I'm gay, I tell you! Gay! Mwah ah ah!" TDS, 2003.08.06, 7:35 "There's been a gay-splosion." TDS, 2004.05.13, 3:00 "Sodomy preparation? You know, in some parts of New York City, we call that Friday night." TDS, 2003.05.05, 2:40 "Edwards... Oh, handsome guy! Yeah, everyone was way into that guy." TDS, 2005.09.21, 20:55 "George Clooney's gonna be in the studio and he'll be very handsome and I'm probably gonna ask him out." TDS, 2003.09.23, 4:30 "Everybody likes the monkey butter." TDS, 2004.12.15, 17:25 "That's interesting, I had a penis wrapped around my neck and..." TDS, 2005.02.22, 7:00 "Why, I do believe that's all anal." TDS, 2004.01.08, 11:10 "On my next show, I give it good to some guy." TDS, 2003.08.14, 20:45 "I can't get these gay images out of my mind." TDS, 2003.04.08, 1:25 "If you put your thumb up your ass when you're ejaculating, you'll go to the moon." TCR, 2006.01.17, 2:00 "I don't know which of these was actually forwarding the homosexual agenda, but I am going to guess it was Steve Carell." TDS, 2003.06.16, 9:00 "Thanks Steve, you're not so bad yourself." TCR, 2006.03.02, 5:30 "The only reason I can imagine being gay is to have all the sex you want without ladies and their emotional outbursts." TDS, 2004.04.01, 13:30 "It also refracts your cynism into a harmless rainbow of tolerance." TDS, 2005.11.03, 11:35 "Just how gay has Massachussetts become? To find out, I'll be using this gay detection device." TDS, 2003.08.06, 9:15 "There aren't any more gay people now than there were a year ago." TDS, 2003.11.20, 8:15 "I think once people really start watching, they're gonna want to be born rich themselves, in much the same way that many of us are gay now." TDS, 2003.07.17, 1:15 "The truth is, it's just flat-out sexual tension. I went through the same thing with Geraldo. What a mustache." TDS, 2006.02.08, 20:00 "That Harrison Ford is one handsome man, I don't care who hears me say it." TDS, 2004.08.03, 8:30 "I am looking at a very handsome man." TDS, 2004.02.23, 9:00 "Our wedding was conceived entirely as a giant homosexual taunt." TDS, 2004.02.26, 4:40 "Gay marriage... So shiny." TDS, 2000.01.25, time unknown. "What do you think of Jon Stewart? Everyone describes him as pixish and elfin, but isn't that just sort of a code word for fey?" TDS, date unknown "Antonio Banderas is a sexy, sexy man." TDS, 2003.03.03, 10:00 "I think I may have crossed a line somewhere, gotten a little too involved." TDS, date unknown "The guys said these shows always had gay cast members and that they were both straight, so that meant..." TDS, 2004.01.21, 12:30 "Wow, I didn't know you were such a results queen. Ok, Mary, you want results?" TDS, 2003.06.04, 11:20 "To the penitentiary, James. I have a 2 o'clock sodomizing." PART 2 ŻŻŻŻŻŻ TDS, 2005.11.29, 12:20 "New Jersey. Come stay at one of our fine hotels - for an hour. Or drop in to one of our seventeen rest-stops for food, gaz, or... whatever." TDS, 2004.11.03, 9:10 "Word of advice: if you want to have gay sex or visit a library, it's probably your last night to do those things." TDS, 2005.08.10, 7:50 "Come on! Try growing up gay in Boston!" TCR, 2006.01.12, 11:00 "You had me at 'Life's exhausting journey'. Let's say we were going on a date..." TDS, 2004.01.13, 9:55 "God, Clark is hot!" TDS, 2004.01.26, 9:45 "Mrs. Jon Dean. Mr. Howard Stewart. Howard and Jon Dean. Dr. and Mr. Jon Dean-Stewart." TDS, 2005.03.07, 8:00 "Who am I to fault them for loving a middle-eastern strong man? You know, I remember when I was thirteen. Oh, Anwar." TDS, 2005.03.21, 8:15 "Activists!" TDS, 2004.07.08, 16:45 "I'm walking down and one of the camera guys will give me a quick reach-around." TDS, 2006.01.17, 5:00 "Jesus God! Would you look at the size of that guy's taint!" TCR, 2006.03.12, 3:00 "The more older brothers a man has, the greater that man's chance of being gay." TDS, 2006.04.27, 5:15 "You show me a poll, Jon, I'll smoke it." TDs, 2003.03.03, 14:45 "They like it in the butt, all of them." TDS, 2003.02.13, 6:15 "To see you work over that dong was really something." TCR, 2005.11.08, 4:00 "I'm not a big sports fan, unless you include cock-fighting." TDS, 2003.07.16, 7:40 "They can go gay. It's a very, very hot demographic right now." TDS, 2004.09.13, 10:45 "If my wife catches me looking at gay internet porn, she can open up a new window and divorce me before I lose my erection." TDS, 2003.11.10, 7:55 "This is a story I could really wrap my hands around. I mean, I'd love to grab this story by the hilt, and work this story long and hard." TDS, 2003.08.04, 18:00 "She'd actually probe your ass if you wanted." TDS, 2004.03.10, 6:20 "We went to see the Fiddler on the Roof with an interfaith panel: a jew, a christian, a homosexual... wait a minute." TCR, 2005.11.17, 3:40 "I'm not saying these guys aren't sexy - they are. They're smoking. And it doesn't me gay to say that. It's just - men know what men like." TDS, 2004.05.12, 2:25 'Be a homoerotic slavemaster of one' poster. TDS, 2005.01.31, 2:15 "Oh, yeah, the ink? Funny story, that's from Assan, my translator. He voted earlier before we, uh..." TDS, 2006.01.24, 12:50 "Some say heterosexuality is a fragile thing. I know mine is hanging by a string." TDS, 2005.01.20, 12:30 "But, and this is important, no butt stuff... That'd be queer." TDS, 2005.07.26, 16:30 "When I make out, let's say, on this show, with Stephen Colbert..." TDS, 2006.02.22, 6:45 "You were a longshoreman?" TDS, 2005.10.20, 18:00 "I think I just got a hard-on." TDS, 2005.08.15, 4:00 "Even Viggo Mortensen stopped by to give Sheehan a t-shirt, taking valuable time away from his nearby organic beard stubble farm. Ohhh, he's handsome." TDS, 2005.08.15, 17:00 "Why did you leave us? I love you so much." TDS, 2005.08.16, 7:00 "It's gay food, Jon. About as gay as it gets. Might as well just stick it up your butt." TDS, 2006.01.31, 2:50 "I would totally do that guy!" TDS, 2006.04.03, 18:00 "I just realized, if you ever do a porn film, and I'm not saying you are, if you don't go by the name Chubby Funster..." TDS, 2005.08.11, 4:00 "Who didn't have at least one pro bono gay legal experience?" TCR, 2006.04.03, 14:45 "Nothing like Nutz on the back of the throat." TDS, 2004.11.29, 17:10 "You are the sexiest man alive, my friend." TDS, 2006.02.23, 4:35 "...and I'm gay." TDS, 2003.03.26, 14:45 "What's not to love about Willie?" TDS, 2006.02.01, 9:30 "I'm in Liberace's parlor room!" TCR, 2005.11.09 TCR 0:15 - "Daytona Beach congressman John Mica and I do body-shots off each other." TDS, 2004.12.16, 3:30 "Mmmm, that's good sodomy." TCR, 2005.11.16, 18:30 "I'm gay!" TDS, 2005.01.26, 14:00 "I'm a bottom." TDS, 2005.02.22, 7:40 "Let's eat dinner and make the first course you feasting on my ballsack." TDS, 2005.10.18, 10:45 "It's only been one night with the French guy - and I gotta tell you, it is quite good." TDS, 2005.11.03, 13:05 "I know what you're saying, I use to come here and no one would fuck me. Now? Forget about it." TDS, 2006.01.31, 14:15 "We would be the worst couple ever. We'd be walking down the street holding hands and people would just look like..." TDS, date unknown "I think this might be nice on you. A pretty little ballet dress, maybe some frilly panties." TDS, date unknown "What you're saying, Stephen, is if I get high on grass, I'll suddenly be open to some wild liberating homosexual experience that I won't be responsable for." TDS, 2004.02.05, 10:45 "Show us your boob! Take it off! Show us your nipple! Take it off!" PART 3 ŻŻŻŻŻŻ TDS, 2006.05.11, 2:00 'It's Raining Men.' ring tone. TCR, 2006.06.19, 11:45 "As a straight man, I should never be told that same-sex attraction can be cured, because if it can, what's stopping me from taking a dip in that end of the pool - the hot, salty end." TDS, 2006.06.07, 2:45 "If you blow a guy but you don't know his name, that's not considered gay, right?" TDS, 2006.05.08, 13:15 "Jon, I'm the poll smoker here." TDS, 2006.06.06, 12:30 "Oh, the hu-man-on-man-ity." TCR, 2006.05.09, 6:45 "I'm not against gay marriage because I'm secretly afraid I'm gay." TCR, 2006.06.19, 2:15 "Back in college when I was young and gay, I threw the gayest rainbow-theme closet parties around." TDS, 2006.06.06. 10:00 "I am joined by our senior gay correspondant, Rob Corddry." TCR, 2006.07.19, 2:30 "I'd like to take this opportunity to tell my viewers that my building manager Tad and I are also not gay." TDS, 2006.07.27, 2:35 "For instance, I know that if I were ever to come out as gay..." TCR, 2006.07.27, 13:20 "Do I come off as gay? Because sometimes people call me bookish, I think that's code." TDS, 2006.07.20, 2:30 "Come on, I haven't done that guy in a while." TCR, 2006.07.13, 10:45 "Our world is not ready for an army of super-gay clones, a fact I only too painfully learned after mistakenly renting Sperm Wars II Attack of the Bones." TDS, 2006.07.31, 15:45 "Sure, we have a baby together. And no, it was not love. It was forceful. It was against someone's will." TDS, 2006.07.31, 0:45 "He and I apparently have a manchild together. I hesitate to say 'lovechild' because he and I both know that's not what it was. Sometimes, when two men are... bored..." TCR, 2006.06.19, 12:00 "For the sake of argument, let's say there's a gun to my head and I gotta pick somebody." TDS, 2006.08.03, 18:20 "Why doesn't that guy call? He said he liked me!" TCR, 2006.06.06, 5:45 "All I can think about is 'I could've gone guy'!" TDs, 2006.06.22, 19:55 "Hey, you look great!" TCR, 2006.06.19, 1:20 "I am Stephen Colbert and I am proud to be out." TDS, 2006.06.27, 20:20 "Tell my stylist I love him." TCR, 2006.08.14, 9:20 "Jon, why are you closing yourself off from Geraldo? He came to unlock the vault of your heart and when he opened it, it was empty. An empty vault." TCR, 2006.06.27, 0:20 "I'll go ball-to-ball with Hardball's Chris Matthews" TCR, 2006.07.12 TCR, 7:10 "Anal probing gets a thumbs up." TDS, 2006.08.01, 3:25 "I was taken a little off guard by your sexiness." TCR, 2006.07.10, 16:15 "I tumble with our building manager Tad." TDS, 2006.08.23, 20:20 "I'm sorry, wait, hold on one second Stephen, I'm sorry, producer's telling me we don't have time for your promo tonight, terribly sorry, so..." TDS, 2003.06.12, 10:00 "Would you be so kind as to gay it up?" TDS, 2003.07.28, 7:20 "Yes, let's do that." TDS, 2003.09.29, 8:00 Rob blows a security guard TDS, 2003.07.31, 13:05 Stephen carried in the admiral's arms TDS, 2003.03.12, 2:00 Jon snaps three times TDS, 2003.06.19, 7:35 Rob in bed with a man TDS, 2005.01.18, 6:45 Stephen meows and makes a clawing gesture TDS, 2003.09.01, 0:55 Stephen pops up from under Jon's desk TDS, 2004.12.16. 11:30 Stephen crawling over Jon's desk TDS, 2003.06.10, 10:35 Rob hugs Ed TDS, 2005.06.23, 9:20 Stephen shares a pizza with the delivery boy TDS, 2003.11.10, 8:45 Stephen deep-throating a banana TDS, 2003.11.10, 19:00 Will Ferrell deep-throating a banana TDS, 2003.06.16, 4:30 Stephen dancing TDS, 2003.04.10, 8:50 Jon rubing his nipples TCR, 2006.07.10, 17:15 Stephen climbs on top of Tad TDS, 2003.09.01, 20:45 Rob and Ed kiss TDS, 2004.08.30, 20:45 Ed pops up from under Jon's desk TDS, 2006.08.24, 10:25 Rob eating a bun with a founding father (from Rob's farewell video) TDS, 2005.12.13, 8:45 Howard Stern hugs Jon and they dance TCR, 2006.07.12, 3:45 Stephen waving a gay flag TDS, 2005.10.04, 11:00 Nate as a sailor, being kissed by a guy TDS, 2006.02.09, 15:10 Rob hugs Will Arnett TDS, 2000.01.25, time unknown Stephen pretends to poke Jon's nipples TCR, 2006.04.27, 11:35 Bobby mugs Stephen TDS, 2006.08.10, 21:00 Stephen under Jon's desk TDS, 2006.08.24, 10:25 Rob giving a lapdance to a guy (from Rob's farewell video) TDS, date and time unknown Stephen leaps on Jon TCR, 2006.08.02, 4:30 Repressed homosexual urges in Stephen's brain TDS, 2006.08.03, 14:50 Jon hugs Danny DeVito TCR, 2006.08.14, 9:10 Soap opera-ish blocking of Jon and Stephen TCR, 2006.08.01, 7:00 Stephen sucking on a cigar TDS, 2004.11.02, 1:15 Jon and Stephen kissing over a pizza TDS, 2005.02.16, 7:15 "Uh, wow, uh." TDS, 2004.11.03, 11:40 "What a gay staff we have."